Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
