We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
