I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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