Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
