oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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