you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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