When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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