i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
