never play flip cup with pint glasses
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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