You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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