I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
