True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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