I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
