He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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