i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
