i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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