I wish I only lived at night.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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