I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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