Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
