This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
