i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize