i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Mom said you looked used
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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