i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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