Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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