Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
