I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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