toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
