I wish my penis had an off switch
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
