the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
