Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
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