You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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