I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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