I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
