proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
