You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
