i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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