You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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