My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
