Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
