We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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