she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
