I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
