My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
