I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
