A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
