it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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