His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
