he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
