Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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