i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
