I can text with my tongue
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dear god my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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