You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
