Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
