I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
