Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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