I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
