She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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