it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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