Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
