you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
