the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
