it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
