So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
