peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
