My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
