just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
