It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
