I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
