if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize