She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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