he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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