Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think my moral compass just broke
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
