So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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