Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
