ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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