Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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