Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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