I wish I could teleport
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
