If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
