I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
