Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
