Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do vagina's smell?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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