I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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