I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
