we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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