im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
