So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
