All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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