I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
