would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
