I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
