Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
