Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize