LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
